Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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