So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
