My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
