If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
They took my balls.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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