where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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