So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
