I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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