It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
