I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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