Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
