Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
