i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
All I want is dick and wine.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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