I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
