About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
