i think i have two assholes
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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