I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
