I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
