On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
