I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
