OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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