So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
