Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
