i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
His nipple licking is glorious
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