he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
