Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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