Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
