I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
