1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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