A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
