I wanna bring you to show and tell
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
