somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
