Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
