Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
