I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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