I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
