I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
