i jhust puked up my retainher.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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