God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
BRING THE BAGELS
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
