Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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