I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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