giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
