wanna go halves on a baby?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
