Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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