Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
