Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
