I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
