Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I queefed so loud it echoed.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
