she woke up with a sticky ear
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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