3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
