I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
