kristin has been a bad kristin
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
