And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
