Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He felt like a one man threesome
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
