It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
