I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
