i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
