Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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