i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
