GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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